So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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