I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
