Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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