i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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