also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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