I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
