Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
