when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
