Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I met the friendliest cop last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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