He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
