Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
