I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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