before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
