good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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