you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
