don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
