yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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