sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
