He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize