Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
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I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
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You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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