I have demons in me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
