I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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