I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
