there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
