The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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