A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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