Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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