Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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