Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
