I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
