How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
