I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
