i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
