This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up under a house in Key West
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
