Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
