i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
