lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
