What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
