Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
