Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
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you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
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What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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