Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
