Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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