did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
