WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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