yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Boobs are out for the taking
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
