I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
