I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
