there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
