I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i drank out of a bidet.
they're like a gay fantastic four
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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