doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
where am i from again
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
