my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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