32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
