so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize