her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
