i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize