And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
