She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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